I’m back in the city that I called home for 24 years. New York, New York! There is much to appreciate as I walk down familiar streets, see familiar faces and places, and take in many familiar smells and sounds. I watch tourists wandering around in awe as they stop to take photos, sometimes in the middle of a sidewalk that is packed with pedestrians. I watch the locals looking at the tourists in disdain as they rush by to get to wherever they think they must get to so hurriedly. All are part of daily life in this thriving metropolis, and all are me in one way, shape or form.
One thing that I am most aware of is that I am very grateful that I am no longer a resident of the place that once held me so kindly, and helped to shape my world view. I am no longer thrilled to be a part of the hustle and bustle. I no longer feel in synch with the pace, and the noise. As I observed the goings on from my perch at a cafe, I flashed back to my years of running through the streets to get from one appointment to the next, of pushing through crowds, of thinking that I needed to do more or be more, and of feeling important because I did all of those things. Ah! There was the golden nugget! I wanted to be important. I wanted to be well known. I wanted to show myself and the world that I could do it! And I often had a good time playing the game that way, despite an underlying, false belief that I had to physically push very hard to make things happen, and often feeling unworthy of receiving the things that I pursued.
Things are certainly different now. My pace has changed. My thoughts and beliefs about myself have changed. I am pursing new things, and am surrounded by a whole new set of people in a very different city. This morning I wondered if I would ever want to return to New York if it were not for my business ventures. That thought surprised me. I once believed that my old stomping ground was the center of the universe. Thankfully, I now, more than ever, see the universe – the connection between all things – wherever I go.